Your opinion about me

We all have demons. We all have problems. You. You, the one who reads this, the one who likes my pictures, the one that watches the insta stories that I post. You, the one that judges. You’re throwing rocks. You spit me indirectly between my eyes. Are you happy? Can you describe the satisfaction you have in your stomach when you call me a slut?

You know who I am. You know everything about me. I’m always present virtually, and I wash my dirty laundry in public. You know about my ex fiancé. You know about the number of boys I played on my fingers before him. You know about the torment that my family endured because of my addictions. Ohhh and the best part: you know about my suicide attempt. An attempt to attract attention because I’m desperate.

Oh, you know me very well. So you have every right to share your opinion and tell others what kind of person I am. Actually, you are doing the humanity a favor by warning them about me.

Yes. That’s what you’re actually doing. It is justified, so you are not a gossiper, or jealous, or mean when you say those things.

No my dear. Do not be naive. Do not lie to yourself. Do NOT confuse my transparency and vulnerability with weakness. Because that’s exactly what makes me strong. I am here with everything I am and have. You’re the one who hides and tries to poison with darkness the rest that are in the light with their lives. Come out and face me in real life. Let me tell you what God actually did with my life, and how He wants to work in yours. Because you can hit me as hard as you want, you can threaten me, you can gossip me and you can destroy my reputation as much as you want. But it will not stop me from going on the path I know I must go, and you will certainly not stop me from being myself. Honest with myself. With people. With God.

I’m not going to ask you to think about how you make me feel when you say and do all of those stuff. I will not tell you how much it hurts, and how long my life has revolved around your words and your opinion. How that defined my value. Because you do not care about me. And you don’t even have to.

I’m asking you to take care of yourself. Your value. Your self-esteem. Your heart. You’re hurting yourself this way. You do not see it now, but slowly you’re poisoning your heart and mind, and you’re tricking them into believing that it’s ok to kill the characters of others just to feel good about yours.

Be honest. What do you not like about you? That you are lying too easily? That urges control you and not the other way around? That you weren’t a good friend? That you have not managed to rise to your own expectations? If it took only 3 seconds to change what you want so you can be the person you want, what would you change?

Love yourself. Appreciate yourself. Change the thoughts of condemnation and “not good enough” with (,) compliments and encouragements. I promise you will be happier, motivated to take the world with your potential and talent, you will even be fulfilled. Do not become bitter and miserable in your mission of throwing stones at anyone who seems to have something you want.

And as a plus, you will no longer be the reason for another Carmina’s cry and staying awake at nights.

And do not forget: everything is not what it seems. Appearances can be deceiving.

Photo Credits: Jake Jakab

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